Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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