i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
