i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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