I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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