She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
