I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
