My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
