So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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