I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
