I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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