Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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