I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
