Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
