i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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