there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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