i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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