i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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