We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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