i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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