Don't make out with my wife yet
Fuck appropriateness.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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