I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
