The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
