Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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