I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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