I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
