the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
