I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
