just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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