My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
