Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
