I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
