I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
