Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
