no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
