Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
