There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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