you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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