if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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