I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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