We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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