Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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