she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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