I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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