That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
