nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
