spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
