Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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