YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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