So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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