someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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