so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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