Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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