i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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