Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
