Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
