The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
