i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
