Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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