Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
