dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
